Schmidty may have actually poisoned himself and we think Collin might actually work for Gizmonic Institute.  Also, Russia is kind of cray-cray when it comes to Apple, Tesla caters to soccer moms, and VW may have made the worst decision in the history of the automobile.  Even worse than the Nova.

Headlines:

* Russia thinks Apple is too . . . well, you know.
* Apple Utterly Fails the LA School System, Ordered to Pay
* Dear Government: Get Your Act Together. Hacking Exists!
* Zohner joins T-Mobile. Inevitably they are hacked.
* New Linux Botnet Doesn't Understand Subtlety
* VW's Fraud Is More Expensive Than Previously Thought
* Tesla Gives Soccer Moms Futuristic New Ride
* Nest Releases Communication Protocol Into The Wild
* Someone Bought Google . . . for $12
* Google & Microsoft Drop Patent War. Hug It Out Instead
* Nexus 6P, 5X, and Pixel C
* Tony Hawk 5: So Bad You'd Think It's A Metaphor

Zuke’s Favorite: Tesla has gone to plaid

Zohner’s Favorite: Are you S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?