Introduction 
Anyone who spends much time around toddlers and young preschoolers, knows that they can frequently manifest behavior that is downright beastly. So, in today's pedcast, we are going to talk about understanding and managing their beastly behavior by teaching them to understand and control their emotions.  Don't you dare miss this important episode of Portable Practical Pediatrics.

Musical Introduction
Science Drive: The Biology of a Young Children's Emotions
Deep down, every child is focused on their own needs. They see the world through the prism of me, me, and more me.  Add on to that narcissism, the fact that young children don't understand the rules of social interaction and you can see why many call the early years the terrible twos. Most young child at the age of two and three don't understand how their behavior effects others and they can't tolerate not being the center of everything! That's where you, the parent of this little self-centered child comes in. Its your job to gradually teach them how to understand and deal with their own emotions as well as teaching them to be respectful of others, to share, not to hit or bite, not to grab or push etc, etc. Your parents did this for you and now it is your turn to teach all this to your children.
We all know that all this teaching is a slow process, but once you have layered all those rules on top of their inborn self-centeredness, your child begins to become a social creature and develops what psychologists call "Emotional intelligence". Once that happens they become a pleasure to be with. But until that day arrives, life can be very tough for your child as well as you.
But what part of a young child's brain does all this emotional intelligence rely on?  The cortex of your child's brain, especially the front called the pre-frontal cortex. Many neuroscientists call this the "Thinking part of our brains". The emotional reactive part of their brains, are still very much active, but are slowly being overruled and regulated by the more mature thinking part of their brains.
To prove to yourself what I am talking about, just think about taking a toy away from a 18 month old, then a 3 year old, then a 5 year old and you will understand how different their reactions actually can be. Why, because they are learning emotional regulation and intelligence as they grow and develop. And who is teaching all of this to them... you of course. Like everything else. By direct instruction and by example. These are skills that every child must master and that you must teach.
 
 
How Do You Teach Your Children Emotional Intelligence?
OK, now that we understand a little of the biology of a young child's mind, let's get back to the problem that every parent has, teaching emotional intelligence to their young children. Let's start that conversation with the example of  what do you do when your child flies into a rage and becomes irrational and impossible to handle? In other words, they are frustrated by something and have a full blown tantrum. Your approaches are relatively limited if you stop and analyze it;

Separate the child until they calm down and then talk. This is called "Time Out" in the parenting world.

2. Put up a very stern and quick emotional response to the child to shut the behavior down, what I call the "Swat Team Approach". Yelling, hitting, or some other type of forceful negative response.
3. Humiliate or belittle the behavior, what I call the "Drill Sergeant Approach", with hopes to discourage it continuing or repeating itself in the future.
4. Give into the child's demand to avoid the confrontation. I call this the "Surrender Approach"; effective in the short term but with consequences for the future behavior that may not be very desirable.
5. Or, you could use the "Inuit Indian Method".