Come our loyal listeners. Let us mount our burly steed and ride through what made OUR headlines this week. I’ve branded the Who Asked Horse with our big red question mark and she’s ready to head out!

It almost seems boring in Azeroth to be seen riding a horse. The WORLD OF WARCRAFT locale affords you the option of riding a number of mythical creatures. Who knows what the lead actor in the upcoming film will ride. What we do know is that film will be directed by Duncan Jones. He previously helmed MOON and SOURCE CODE. The movie is expected to be out sometime in 2015 and will cost more than $100-million to make. You know what won’t be in the film, because it’s not in the game either? That would be aliens. As Charlie points out in his typical blunt manner, those who don’t know anything about WOW get a lot of details wrong. Take for example reporters who ‘report’ on the film finding a director. They include information in their articles that aren’t quite correct. In turn, I — not knowing much about the game either — include those facts myself on our show. Charlie is then able to correct the misinformation. The Hollywood Reporter broke the story and their article included this chunk mentioning said nonexistent in-game extraterrestrials:

“Warcraft has grown to be one of the most popular multiplayer online role-playing games. Taking an almost kitchen-sink approach to fantasy, it is part fantasy, part science fiction and — depending on the game you’re playing — includes elements such as dragons and orcs, zombies and werewolves, aliens and spaceships.”

You can read the who THR article by following the link below. In the future, I plan to NOT include information about the WOW game during future stories involving WOW. After all, you all know what it is anyway.

We then gallop into news that Aaron McGruder, creator of THE BOONDOCKS comic and TV series, has launched a Kickstarter to hopefully fund a live-action movie starring the white-man-fan, Uncle Ruckus. McGruder says that it’d be impossible to cast the show’s main characters, Huey and Riley with live-action actors, so this is the next best thing. And according to McGruder, Gary Anthony Williams — who voiced the Ruckus on the cartoon — will star in the film and, once in the costume, effortlessly brought the character to life. Ruckus will have no problem holding down his own feature length film. Like any Kickstarter, there are rewards depending on how much you pledge. And they’re all named after popular white men here in America. Ruckus wouldn’t have it any other way.

We then trot through the news that Pope Benedict has decided to step down from the position. He’s the first Pope to do so in 600 years! Mike smells a conspiracy. Benedict says he just can’t keep up given his age. And he never wanted the position to begin with. If they’d stop electing fossils every time, the Catholic church may actually get a few years out of them. I don’t know what the rules are with age limits on who can be Papal, but why don’t they elect someone in their 50s? Maybe that’s not aloud?

This is a trying time for religious folk, but you can all take comfort in a little rap song from Pastor Jim Colerick and his wife. They drop a beat and inform the youth of Jesus. The video was put up on YouTube by the guy that filmed it. According to the church website, they’re no longer in business. But they closed their doors before YouTube was even invented, so something tells me it wasn’t this video that did them in. However, if they went around telling kids that “Jesus Christ is my nigga” as they do in the video, then that might have led to their chapel’s demise. In any case, the video is funny as shit. We play the song and offer our thoughts. Plus, the Pastor’s wife gets a rare honor and is inducted into our soundboard where she’ll be heard on many-a-show to come.

Horsey is a little tired, lets stop and let her get a drink. We’ll take a swig ourselves with Epicurious.com’s taste test results on the best canned beer. Tune-in for the top three as well as a few that made the bottom of the list. We contemplate our choice for the best brew encased in aluminum. Mine isn’t out yet. But I guarantee when Sam Adams in a can does hit store shelves, none other shall come close.

Our mare is rested and we continue to a story involving dicks. It wouldn’t be a Who Asked You? without one. This tale comes courtesy of rock-n-roll legend, Chubby Checker. He’s pissed because a Palm OS app from back in 2011 used the name “Chubby Checker” without his permission. Since it’s actually his stage name, I’m not sure he has a legal claim. Did he copyright the term? Can you do that? I think he’s really mad over the association between the name and what the app does. Basically, it predicts a dudes dick length based off from what size shoe he wears. The app no longer exists and neither does the company who made it. But Mr. Checker wants, what the suit claims was all $500-million that app made. Come on, this was on Palm OS… nobody uses that shit. There’s no way the app made that much money. I think Chubby Checker needs a fact checker.

Alright, lets climb back on… hey you… sir, what are doing to our horse? Get away from there. Wha-what’s that? Is that your… do you have a boner? What the hell are doing? Stop fucking our horse! We need her to get home. Stop it! Right now! Wait a second. I recognize you. We were just talking about you on today’s show, Andrew Mendoza. Frustrated his gal-pal didn’t come by for a booty call, Mendoza decided to try a crime against nature and impregnate a horse. Seriously, he says that’s what he was trying to do in the police report. You can read it by following the link in our Show Links. While having sex with it he states that he, “blew a nut in the horse,” adding that he was trying to create a horse-man baby. Dr. Moreau goes into hilarious detail regarding his equestrian-encounter. In the end he didn’t get his hybrid baby, but rather four months in jail for criminal trespassing and public lewdness. As we’ve stated on a previous show or two, most states don’t have any bestiality laws so he off easy, no pun intended.

Well, I hate to beat a dead horse. It’s off to the glue factory with her. Don’t worry, she’s imaginary. No actual horses were harmed in the making of this episode, just sexually assaulted by a weirdo who needs to find a new girlfriend who’ll put out more.

SHOW LINKS:

THR: ‘Warcraft’ Movie Lands ‘Source Code’ Director

Legendary Pictures

World of Warcraft

Duncan Jones on IMDb

The “Uncle Ruckus Movie” Kickstarter

West Dubuque 2nd Church of Christ – PERMANENTLY CLOSED

24/7 Wall Street: Eight Retailers That Will Close the Most Stores

Epicurious: Canned Beer Taste Test

Read about Chubby Checker on Wikipedia

The Smoking Gun: “I Was Trying To Make The Horse Have A Baby.”

Heard In This Week’s Open:

The Big Lebowski

Lake Placid

New DVD Releases for Tuesday, February 19th:

Game of Thrones (Season 2)

Argo

Anna Karenina

Top Gun [Blu-ray 3D + Digital Copy]

Battlestar Galactica: Blood & Chrome

Sinister

Marvel The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! (Volume 6)

The Terminator [Blu-ray]

Kamasutra: Sexual Positions for Lovers [Blu-ray 3D/2D]