I am humbled by the number of people who have expressed their sincere interest in our show.

Sure, some of them are incarcerated felons, and some of them don’t actually speak english or know what we are saying, and some of them are dating other members of our show, but each and every one of them is appreciated!

Let’s address their questions and concerns, shall we?

Listener: I am constructing a shrine to Mickey in my basement. Is it possible that you could obtain for me a few strands of his hair, or maybe a piece of his cast-off clothing? Kthnxbye!

J: I have already asked you to just contact Mickey directly, Mom.

Listener: How did the three of you SomaCow guys meet?

J: I first met Mickey in the spring of 1973. He was busy being a fetus at the time, but even then I had high hopes for our future in radio. Years later, Mickey introduced me to Geoff. Geoff and I immediately became fast friends when we discovered our mutual interest in breaking the world record for human cholesterol levels. Since then, the three of us have gotten together regularly to discuss which one of us would be considered “Curly” and which would be considered “Moe”.

Listener: How much?

J: $49.95 + shipping/handling. It will arrive in an unmarked wrapper.

Listener: I love your show! How did you guys get so funny, anyway?!

J: Thanks, we love you, too! It’s really kind of weird how the funny works on our show. Each two of us are SO unfunny that it makes the third seem hilarious by comparison. I can’t figure out how that’s possible, exactly. It’s like an enema wrapped inside a condom, or however the saying goes.

Listener: What are those animal noises that I occasionally hear in the background?

J: Those are the ferrets, yaks and badgers from the petting zoo that Geoff runs outside the studio, just to have something to fall back on in case we don’t all become millionaires from doing the show. They get rowdy and loud sometimes, but at least we always have fresh milk!

Thanks for your interest, and keep on listening!