Loving Eliza

Hey, everyone.  Got sick yesterday and ended up either sleeping or doing stuff with my kids.  I did nothing online except answer a couple of emails.  Post 36 will be it for this book.

I’m still exhausted, and some of these reasons stem from issues in my personal life that I’m not at liberty to discuss.  There is no way I can keep going with a first draft blog.  So I’ll be shutting this blog down very soon.  Any questions or concerns can be sent to ynotspringfield@aol.com.

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Chapter Twenty-Three

In May, Jeremy received word that he could pastor the church in South Dakota.  He knew that Jane would be excited, so he left the post office in a hurry.  When he got home, he called out her name, but she wasn’t there.  Despite his disappointment, he set the letter on the table in the entryway to show her when she came home.  Since he had nothing else to do at the moment, he decided to get a head start on packing.  He knew he didn’t have to, but he was too excited to sit still.

He went to the bedroom to sort through the closet for anything he could pack right away and found the small box with the remaining items that had belonged to Rebecca.  Funny how he forgot the box was there.  He considered it was a sign that he healed and moved on, but as he opened it to examine the contents, he felt the lingering sense of love he’d had for her.  He did still love her; he always would.  But the love he had for Jane wasn’t diminished because of it.  In some ways, he appreciated Jane a lot more because he was aware of how fragile life could be.

He took the box with him and sat on the bed.  Fingering Rebecca’s wedding ring, he recalled the day they got married and smiled.  She’d been a lovely bride, and she gave him good memories.  He put her wedding ring aside, he took out the necklace and put it on the nightstand beside the bed.  Perhaps Jane might like the necklace.  He couldn’t think of a single reason why Rebecca wouldn’t want Jane to have it.

His gaze fell on the fountain pen and leather-bound journal.  Maybe he could look through the journal.  He’d been unable to do it after her death because all it did was serve to bring back unwanted memories.  But since he could now sort through her things with a sense of gratefulness for the time he’d had with her, he might be able to read her entries.

He took the book out and thumbed through the pages.  He remembered when she read the entries to him and how excited she’d been.  She embraced life.  Sitting on the sidelines and waiting for life to happen weren’t for her.  It showed up in her entries.  He wasn’t under the impression she was perfect, but she was a lovely woman.  Almost as lovely as Jane.

He set down the journal for a moment and wondered if he was wrong for thinking that Jane was lovelier.  Because when he thought about it, Jane was.  She didn’t stand out in the crowd, but she had a gentle and sweet spirit that made her a friend he could depend on no matter what happened.  He’d always felt a friendship to her, but until they married, he hadn’t looked at her as a woman who was desirable to touch and love.

With Rebecca, the attraction was immediate, and he did love her.  With Jane, love came softly; he wasn’t even aware it was happening.  And in some ways, that made Jane lovelier.  He wasn’t sure if Rebecca would be content knowing he fell in love with her sister, but then he figured she was happy where she was at and that’s what mattered.

Returning his attention to the journal, he read more entries and caught himself laughing on a couple of them.  He would keep the journal.  He liked remembering Rebecca, and his and Jane’s child might one day be interested in knowing what his or her aunt was like.

As he came to the last entry, his smile faltered.  She wrote of congestion in her chest and coughing, but she was determined to keep her spirits up, figuring it was a simple illness that would soon pass.  She wouldn’t recover, and even as he sat there, reading as she wrote what she planned to do once she got well, a tear slid down his cheek.

As he put the journal on his lap so he could wipe his eyes, a piece of paper fell out of it.  Curious, he got off the bed and picked the folded paper up.  He set the journal down and opened the paper, realizing it was a letter Rebecca had written to him a week before her death.  He had no idea she wrote it.  She must have intended for him to find it.  The journal had been on the nightstand beside her, but he didn’t think she had the strength to write anything.  Even if he knew she wrote the letter, he might not have read it when the wounds were too new, too fresh.

His hands trembled as he blinked back his tears and read it.

My dearest Jeremy,

I suspect this is the last time I’ll write to you.  I tried to tell you on several occasions what’s been pressing on my heart, but every time I mention the possibly I won’t keep living, you stop me.  I know you don’t want to think of it.  We had dreams of children and grandchildren.  The day we married and you etched our names into the tree to show them is my most cherished memory.  The time granted us was brief but wonderful.  I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.  I thank God every day for you.

I want you to be happy, my love.  I hope you’ll continue to dream of children and grandchildren.  I want that for you.  I know you’ll grieve my passing for a season, but once the season is done, my prayer is that you’ll marry again.  What I couldn’t give you, I hope another will.  As I write this, I keep thinking of Jane.  If she hasn’t found a husband by the time you’re ready, I hope you’ll consider marrying her.  She’ll be good to you.

I love you, Jeremy.  Thank you for the best seven months of my life.

With all my heart,

Rebecca

This time he didn’t stop his tears.  Of all the things Rebecca did for him, the letter was the best gift he ever received.  He tucked the letter into the journal and placed it into the box.  After he put the lid back on the box, he set it aside to pack.  Before he tackled packing, he decided he should pay Rebecca a visit.

He left the house and collected the wildfires that grew along the path that went to the cemetery.  The walk to Rebecca’s grave didn’t weigh him down this time.  There was still the sorrow he’d gotten used to, but underneath it was a sense of relief.

When he reached her grave, he removed a couple of weeds from around the headstone and set the flowers in front of it.  “It’s been awhile since I last came here, but it wasn’t until today that I found the letter you wrote me in your journal.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he smiled and touched the headstone.  “Thank you, Rebecca.  You have no idea how much it means to me.  Or maybe you do.”

He waited for the urge to cry to pass before he continued.

“Jane and I are expecting a child this September.  We talked about names and think Rebecca would suit, should we have a girl.  I’ll show your nieces and nephews your journal so they’ll know how wonderful you were.  I’m afraid I can’t take them here to see you.  I’ll be going to South Dakota to minister a church in a small town.  I expect this to be for the rest of my life, so I don’t think I’ll be coming back.  But some day, when my time comes, I’ll see you again.  I love you.”

He remained beside her grave for another few minutes before he stood and returned home.  His steps were light, and he was content with knowing Rebecca was happy that he found love again with her sister.  It was one of the most freeing moments he’d ever experienced, and he was ready to fully embrace the future that loomed before him.

***

When Jane came home from buying a few grocery items, she was surprised that Jeremy rushed to greet her in the entryway.  He took the sack from her and kissed her.

“I have good news,” he said with a wide smile on his face.  “We’ll be moving to South Dakota.”

“We will?” she gasped.  “When?”

“In July.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“I thought you’d be excited.”

She followed him into the kitchen.  “I’ll write to Lucy and Eliza and let them know.”

“I already did.”

“You did?”

Shrugging, he put the sack on the table and started taking out the contents.  “I waited for you, but you took so long in coming that I decided to make good use of my time.”

“I’m sorry.  I went to visit Gerdy.  She’s settled in nicely to her daughter’s home, and she wanted to show me around.  Then I had coffee and tarts with her family.”

“That’s fine.  I’m not complaining, though it was hard to wait since I wanted to see your face when you found out.”

She helped him put the items away and grinned.  “Was it worth the wait?”

“It was.  You look so beautiful when you’re surprised.”

“If you say so…” She put the flour sack on the shelf and put the sack away.  “This will be a good change, don’t you think?”

“Yes, and it’ll be nice to make up for lost time with my mother.  But even better is knowing you’ll be with me.  It’s a nice day.  Would you like to go for a walk?  Maybe we’ll see some squirrels playing around the trees?”

“I’d like that.”

He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a light squeeze.  “How are you feeling?”

Realizing he meant her pregnancy, she brought her hands to her belly where she was beginning to show in her fifth month.  “I’m good.  It’s exciting now that I can feel the baby move.  Lucy was right.  It’s one of the best experiences in the world.”

He led her to the front door and opened it.  “I don’t know.  You’ll have to go through childbirth. As brave as I’d like to be, I don’t think I could handle it.  Women are definitely stronger than men.”

She stepped through the doorway and he followed before he shut the door.  He took her hand, and they strolled down the path that she came to associate with him and all the walks they’d enjoyed over the past few months.

“I’m going to miss walking through here,” she said, motioning to the trees lining their path.

“We’ll find another path to walk in South Dakota.”

A squirrel ran up a nearby tree, and she smiled.  “And they’ll have squirrels to entertain us, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure.  We’ll have lots of new memories to make up there.  We have the future waiting for us, and I’m looking forward to each and every day with you.”

She stopped and took a good look at him, noting the carefree smile on his face and the spark in his eyes.

He halted and turned to her.  “What is it?”

“Well, you…” Uncertain, she continued, “You’re looking toward the future.”

“Yes.”

Since he waited for her to speak, she shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I suppose it’s strange because I can’t remember the last time you seemed so certain about the future.  You usually say you hope or want the future to be a certain way, but from what you just said, you imply it’s a sure thing.”

With a chuckle, he took her in his arms and kissed her.  “You’re right.  I haven’t talked like this in a long time.  But I’m ready to, Jane.  The future spans before us, and I see you with me, having children and seeing our grandchildren.” Bringing his hands up to her face, he cupped her face in his hands.  “I love you, Jane.  You are the most important person in my life, and I’m going to be savor each day we’re granted to be together.  I don’t know about you, but I’m planning for those days to span a lifetime.”

Her heart swelled with excitement.  He did love her, and it wasn’t a love where she had to be second to Rebecca.  She had her own place in his heart and life that Rebecca didn’t.  Blinking back her tears, she laughed.  “Yes, we’ll have many years together.  We’ll grow old and gray.  We won’t walk so fast anymore.  We’ll fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon while we’re resting in our rocking chairs.  And though our eye sight and hearing might grow dim, our love will burn brighter every year we have together.”

“Yes, that’s our future.”

“I couldn’t ask for a better one.”

He pulled her closer and kissed her, and she melted in his arms while the rest of the world slipped away.