The preacher is always failing at whatever he isn’t doing. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) November 6, 2015

When Jesus announces his return with an a capella trumpet sound, all them baptist will feel pretty foolish. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) August 17, 2015

My wife is so church of Christ that she eats her tortilla chips tiny piece by tiny piece. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) June 17, 2015

Every time I run into the preacher in public I say, "I'm surprised you're not…" and finish the sentence with whatever he isn't doing. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) February 4, 2015

Preacher told us at an elder’s meeting last night that he was moving to another church. I just slow clapped until he awkwardly left the room — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) March 2, 2015

I’ve always said, hire the resumé and fire the preacher. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) May 27, 2015

I've never met a question I couldn't either answer or ridicule as a stupid question. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) March 6, 2015

If the preacher who works for me gives me one more book recommendation, I might actually slap his mother. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) September 29, 2014

Deacons are useful for something I'm sure. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) January 20, 2015

Today’s program will teach you how to handle the most annoying task of leading the church. That’s right, how to hire a youth minister. — Pope Elder (@PopeElder) November 11, 2014