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Study Shows Couples Struggle with Discussions About Dieting

March 06, 2014

Spending your life with someone requires being able to communicate effectively on touchy topics.

A report on Huffington Post last year about couples’ communications stated that couples argue most frequently about money, sex, and plans about what to do with free time.

Weight gain is another delicate subject that can be difficult for couples to communicate about in a supportive and healthy manner, and it affects many couples’ lives. In the United States, obesity affects around one-third of adults, with another third of the adult population overweight, but not obese.


Further complicating matters are statistics showing that marriage and weight gain go together. For women, getting married raises the risk of becoming overweight by 3.9 percentage points, and raises the risk of obesity by 1.4%. Married men’s risk of becoming overweight increases by 6.1%, while their risk of obesity increases by 3.3%.


Talking About Weight: The UCLA Study


Thomas Bradbury and Benjamin Karney, both psychology professors at UCLA, studied communication patterns in couples where one or both partners committed to losing weight. They found that talking about weight loss was difficult, even for very loving couples, due to the many emotional implications surrounding excess weight and weight loss. Says Karney, “There are skillful ways to talk about physical appearance and attractiveness that may not come naturally to couples.†And when one partner in a relationship loses weight, communication can be even more strained, according to a study published last year in Health Communication.


Why It’s Difficult to Talk About Weight Loss


Weight and appearance are very sensitive subjects for both men and women. The topic is directly related to how attractive partners find each other, making talking about weight an emotionally charged experience for most. It’s not easy for either partner to provide necessary emotional support while offering constructive criticism. As a result, many couples simply try to avoid the issue, which can lead to bigger problems later on. Moreover, when a couple decides to lose weight together, if one partner has an easier time losing weight, emotions can be heightened even further.


What Happens When One Partner Loses Weight


Couples in which one partner loses weight often experience heightened communication (for good or ill) during and after weight loss, and many such couples experience changes in intimacy too. The partner who loses weight may become more critical of the partner who does not lose excess weight, and the partner who doesn’t lose weight may feel threatened by their partner’s increased attractiveness after weight loss. When a normal-weight partner excessively nags a partner who has lost weight about maintaining a healthy weight, relations can be strained as well. Overweight people who see their partner lose weight may beat themselves up for not losing weight, which can also ultimately be damaging to the relationship.


When one partner loses weight, either partner may experience problems with the changes to the relationship that result.

How to Keep Weight Loss from Hurting the Relationship

Last year, Karney told Huffington Post, that weight loss doesn’t have to sabotage communication between partners, saying, “We all want to support our partners unconditionally, just as they are, and help them change to become the people they want to be.” This is easiest when partners are straightforward about what they want and don’t make each other guess what they’re thinking. For example, if one partner wants to lose weight, he may ask for his partner’s help in a specific way, such as, “Could we stop buying cookies for a few weeks so I can get out of the habit of eating them while we watch TV?†That way each partner has something specific on which to act.


When one or both partners in a relationship loses weight, the dynamic of the relationship changes. Even positive changes can cause disruption in a relationship dynamic, and getting through this change requires commitment, communication, and mutual support. But when couples make the effort to work through the changes that accompany weight loss in one or both partners, the result can be a stronger, happier, healthier relationship.


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Photo Credits: David Castillo Dominici / freedigitalphotos.net, Witthaya Phonsawat / freedigitalphotos.net